"Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" Rethink!

We have off beat movies so now I will offer you an off beat blog. It means that I am giving you no introduction but coming straight to the point. There's a saying, that "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder." Really? Rethink! I will get you to count how contradictory is this statement and what all trouble does it bring in the society.

Marriage is 'the' oldest institution we have in our culture and no matter how modern we get, most of us our linked to this institution. Have you ever come across the matrimonial page in the news papers or websites? Young, fair, tall, thin, educated bride is all they are looking for. Educated means how fluently she speaks in English.

Don't you think these days getting married is become a huge task? Even if it's for the first time. God save you if it's for the second time. If you discuss about this to anyone then they will blame the girls have got too literate, they have too many choices, little compromises that anyone wants to make, too many divorces and how can the social media not be blamed! These reasons aren't wrong.

I am not writing anything new over here. You probably know more than I do. But in my view, really are these  reasons valid enough? Women higher literacy rate is a progress, choosing how much to compromise is a stand that they are taking. Ask those eligible girls are they really struggling to find a match because they are low in tolerance and high in literacy?

Let's get back to that statement. Fair, thin, tall etc. we cannot deny that this category will not have as much struggle as others. Exceptions are there everywhere. Meet those girls who are not fair, not thin, not tall. Tall bit is still fine in India. Ask them their struggle. A short girl having wheatish complexion with lollipop like butts, her threshold for tolerance is also high and so is her education. You think she will have an easy way out? Such is the importance of physical beauty. A physical beauty with criteria attached in a modern world. Not to forget the struggle of remaining skinny in the fast food world. Huge challenge. 

We have been conditioned so much by these criteria that even our goddesses sculpted have a perfect waist to hip ratio. Who calls Kali Maa a beauty queen?

Am I saying anything new over here? How does then beauty lie in the eyes of a beholder? We have to be perfectly fair and be perfectly shaped to reduce our struggle for a man to accept us. And let's get real, he will only look at your appearance in the first meet, not your clean heart or goddess like nature. And unfortunately, our minds are trained with a specific kind of appearance only, needless to mention the specifications here.

Now one question that bangs in my head is then what about the sex life ? How arousing can it be with a dark skinned or less educated or shorter or lollipop butt like girl? I told you I am getting straight to the point. Is sex life at all connected to these criteria? Then every girl would be doing great in her sex life when it comes to fitting in this framework set by us. Having fun in sex life is all about your mind set.

I dare to negate that a girl high in literacy and low in tolerance is the reason for break ups or late marriages.

If beauty really wants to lie in the beholder's eyes then we have to change our definitions. It's not a crime to get attracted to a thin, fair, tall girl but calling only that beautiful is limiting yourself to explore the dark, so called unshaped, short hair, not so beautiful.

You never know she may be sexier in bed 😜.

And I know that marriage is not all about sex but it's not even 'without' sex. Sex life plays a huge role so let's change our definitions. May be when we teach our boys that beauty really lies in the eyes of a beholder then these girls may not have to struggle as much.

So to end this here, I will make a small start by incepting this new idea in the minds of the beholders whom I know by asking a simple question, "What else does beauty mean?"

Regards,

Kshiti 

I am a housewife and I don't do anything (Don't read it as- My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist)

I am a housewife and I don't do anything
I am a housewife and I don't have a JD (Job description)
I am a housewife and I don't understand what is GDP (Gross Domestic Product)?
I am a housewife and I do not file my tax returns.
I am a housewife and I do not contribute to the country's economy.
I am a housewife and I do not watch news in the T.V.
I am a housewife and I do not talk business or politics.
I became a housewife the moment you got married to me.
I don't understand GDP because I am busy understanding your mom, dad, siblings, your culture, your lifestyle, your routine etc.
I do not talk business or politics because I am busy wearing saree to suit your traditional family occasions and busy wearing one piece to suit the events you plan with your friends.
I am afraid that I do not contribute to the country's economy because I am busy contributing to the peace of the family.
I do not file my tax returns because I am busy filing  the project of our children, busy filing for the mediclaim of your parents.
I don't watch news because I am busy watching our children, watching our parents, watching the helpers, watching the guests, watching what is available for 4 course meals, watching if everything moves smoothly.
By calling me a 'home maker' my JD won't change and so won't your thinking.
Without sounding sexist, if I choose not to look for your validation then "I must say that I am a housewife who does nothing if this is called doing nothing."
Dedicated to all the Men who say she is 'just' a housewife :-)
Regards,
Kshiti

In conversation with ..... YOU

Let’s face it. Visual arts activate 2 parts of the brain and if auditory is included then 3. Therefore Bollywood rocks. I am writing lame stuff only because I want to do something. I want to probably write. One of my friend suggested that it’s more about spreading ideas than money. And I agree. But yes, I want to write because I want to be famous, have 1000 %$#£€$ crores in my bank account and except for sharing that with my family, I have no clue what the hell am I going to do with it? Therefore, its a task to think why I need it at first place? 

Am already a nawab dude ;-)
It would be irrational if I think no one would be interested in my write up because I haven’t really surveyed the world’s population. I assume that people who are done with their basic needs that is roti, kapda, makaan in hindi, money, cars, apartments etc might want a new insight. So here I am! My aim is to connect with aam janta (mango man). Now also if people are struggling with what to do next post roti, kapda, makaan might want to free their minds from ‘kyuki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi type drama’ as that also consists of our routine issues nevertheless ;-)
Now to clarify further please dont visualize ‘roti’ as jali hui aadhi roti, kapda as fata hua one jodi kapda or makaan as leakage wali deeware. People who are sentenced to marriage (don’t read marriage as death) ;-) have different issues. Their basic needs are already met which means in their case ‘roti’ becomes the latest whooper of burger king, ‘kapda’ now becomes the collection of zara and vero moda only during end season sale ;-) (not to forget that) and makan becomes a top floor apartment atleast with ancestral jewellery and 2 cars loaded with some staff (maid) ofcourse. Now why the hell am I telling you all this? My motto is to convey that; this becomes our basic need. In our school days, we learnt that if we meet all 3 needs then we must be satisfied but by the time we inculcate this habit, I realized that the definitions have now changed. I remember we were taught this in our moral science class. No, no don’t get me wrong! I am not here to give any moral science class either because I use to eat my partner’s lunch box below the desk in that ongoing class. I think that was the best moment ;-)
Therefore am in no position to give you any moral gyan.
Then what the hell am I offering you if I have no good or bad teaching in my write up? I just want to reach out to you not because you need me, but because I really need to talk to you.
If you are giving me your unconditional response of reading then isn’t it my duty to tell you where are we heading? It is right! yippie so we build our rapport here ;-)
Well then let’s get back to roti kapda makaan and now you know what to visualize our basic needs as ;-) I assume we have a clear picture about it now.
So we are now left with kyuki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi type of drama. We don’t need to really guess the issues because we are all aware of it, be it married or unmarried. Most of our training and values depend on how well we are going to perform in sasural ;-) No matter how western we become, we will always have these values at place. You will almost be forgiven for all your acts in Std X XII or even at your job place. But baby you will be judged based on your performance post marriage. Who will be the judge? Every one who looks like a human ;-)
But truly I am not here to empower you or tell you how bad or good our society is. If you are enjoying this conversation, I am half way through already.
If we only look at urban population then the issues are pretty different. And when we use the word issues, please do not think I am coming up with solutions. Sometimes issues are not to be resolved. They can be used for entertainment too ;-) let’s be little ‘hatke.’
Imagine a kitty party scene. Everyone has an inflated story of all those bahus just being out of the place. Now there will always be few Sharma auntys and Khanna auntys who will always feel out of place. Pucho kyu? Boss; they don’t have ‘tell a tale’ in the group. In other words their life is pretty deflated. In aam janta’s language they have no ‘masala.’ (Spice). Now do you realise that ‘masala’ (indian spices) is not only important in indian food but also in our lives and then not to forget we are social beings. Look it’s simple, if you don’t have any drama then you stay out of social gatherings like kitties, satsang groups etc.
And my gyaan for the young generation, here it is: don’t feel elevated about only satsangis and kitties of 40s to 50s (age) having drama (masala) in their blood. Sweethearts, we are no exception to it.
By reading this, I am not asking you to eliminate drama from life. I am in fact talking about its importance. A “masalaless” life would be like having sex without orgasm ;-)
 
Since I have written so much and you have read so much, I have some eligibility to give you one gyaan. Be my guest: ” If life’s drama disturbs your peace to the extent of not allowing you to function in your daily routine, or diluting all your interest in life then I have come up with a saying “Get rid of the drama before you perpetually turn traumatic and dramatic." Ask yourself a hard hitting question. “What hidden benefit (technical term: secondary gain) are you deriving from being in a dramatic environment or being a drama yourself?”
Or else seek help from professionals. 
So darling, be the drama as long as you enjoy it. 
Do not mistake my article by thinking only many people together can have dramatic lives. One person can do multiple roles and be the drama alone.
Find out your negative gains in drama and liberate yourselves. 

Regards,
Kshiti